I walked into the gym at 5:40 this morning.
I sat down to put on my spinning shoes.
And a wave of something like grief washed over me.
I haven't sat down to put on my spin shoes at the gym since...
since before Sam relapsed.
For just a moment, I put my head in my hands.
I breathed in deeply, staving off the dizzy wave of realization and fear.
The world is a very narrow bridge.
I rode my bike.
I stopped at the store.
I grabbed a latte with the early-morning crowd.
And I came back home to some kind of normal...some kind of reality.
All four of them bouncing around.
Coffee drinking (okay, that was just me.)
but the important thing is not to be afraid.
This in-between at-home-but-knowing-it-is-temporary feeling is unsettling.
The in-between bridge is narrow.
And the end is foggy.
She took vitals.
She asked questions.
We flushed his lines after she left.
We remembered exactly what to do.
I wanted to forget.
But the important thing is not to be afraid.
The important thing is not to be afraid...