TorahMama: Vayishlach

Jacob prepares to reunite with his brother Esau and in the night he wrestles with a being. Eventually, he prevails and says, "I will not let you go until you bless me." In the course of the blessing, Jacob is also given a new name, the name Israel.

My daughter, age 6, likes to stomp off when she's angry. And sometimes I want her to just go away, so this works for both of us. But most of the time, I insist that she return. "Come back here, I want to hug you," I say. This does not always work in the course of an argument. She can't see past her anger or frustration to know that all I want to do is hug her. All I want to do is pull her back, hold on tight. Even when she's infuriating or infuriated, I still just want to hold on tight. But eventually she relents and I get to hold her and find peace in our relationship. My 12-year-old is getting to the point where a hug from his mom is a chore. But he lets me. He knows that it matters. He knows that I don't want to let him go until he blesses me with that exasperated sigh and giggle when I tickle him. The 3-year-old throws a tantrum over a misinterpreted demand. I scoop him up and squeeze him tight. "Lemme go!" he squirms. But I hold tightly, I won't let him go until I have whispered in his ear and found the way to reset the want, rewind the frustration, and get the blessing that I so desperately need. I will not let you go until you bless me...

TorahMama is my weekly attempt to look at the Torah portion through a parenting lens...

TorahMama: Vayetze

In this week's Torah portion, Jacob dreams of a ladder stretching from the ground into the heavens. He sees angels on the ladder, going both up and down. When he awakens from his dream, he says, "surely God was in this place and I, I did not know it."

So often, as parents, we get bogged down in the details. Where do the kids have to be? What did they eat for lunch? What brand of diapers should I buy? Do you have a clean gym uniform for tomorrow morning? Parenting can be a series of lists and mountains of laundry. The day to day can overwhelm. And yet each moment can have a spark of the Divine in it. Each moment holds a potential for holiness. It's hard to find, don't get me wrong. When the kitchen floor is sticky and there isn't any milk left and "he's poking me!" and….where's the holiness in that? But I know it's there. Surely God is in this place. How do I remember that? How do I seek it out and remind myself? Is it a note on the dashboard or a post-it on the coffee maker….whatever it takes to help me remember that yes, indeed, God is in this place. I might not have noticed it. I might be so bleary-eyed from yet another night in which the 3-year-old wanted a drink of water at 3am and lost his blankie at 5am….but if I prop my eyelids up, I can find the holy in the way his little body snuggles under the blanket or how his fingers grasp the cup. It's hard. Sometimes it seems nearly impossible to find the holy on the day when there are two kids throwing up and another one who has a science project to do….but if I just take one little breath, one little moment in each crazy-busy-overwhelming day….I can say it: surely God is in this place and I, I did not know it.

TorahMama is my weekly attempt to talk about the Torah portion from a parenting perspective....

TorahMama: Toldot

Esau and Jacob are the twin sons of Isaac and Rebecca. Esau, the elder, is mostly interested in hunting and being outdoors. Jacob is more reserved and home-focused. Esau doesn't seem to care much for the "birthright" that is owed to him, and he sells it to Jacob for the low price of a bowl of red lentil stew.

The text tells us that when Esau comes in from the fields, he sees Jacob cooking. He is famished, hungry, starving. "Quick!" he says. "Give me some of that red stuff." He is too hungry to care what it is, too desperate for food to be polite. He demands instant gratification, instant satiation for his basic human need. My young children are so similar. When they want something, they want it NOW. When they decide that it has to happen, it must be immediate. Jacob uses this opportunity to his advantage, to negotiate with Esau for the birthright. We as parents can use this need for immediate satisfaction too. We can take the moment to remind them that, thankfully, they actually aren't starving. Thankfully, if it doesn't happen now, it's going to be okay. We help them to breathe, to consider, to think, to say please and to wait, even just a few moments, to fully understand that instant gratification may not be necessary. The thrill of waiting, of anticipation, of working hard to accomplish and earn something...this is part of our job as parents and teachers. Esau's need to be fed "right now" cost him his birthright. For our children, we hope that they will learn patience and persistence, steadfastness and determination.

TorahMama is my weekly attempt to talk about the Torah portion from a parenting perspective....

TorahMama: Chaye Sarah

Eliezer, Abraham's oldest servant, is sent to find a wife for Isaac, Abraham's son. Abraham doesn't give him a lot of criteria, so Eliezer must determine on his own what qualities are worthy in Isaac's wife. He determines for himself that, upon his arrival at the communal well, he will ask a young woman to draw water for him. Whichever young woman not only agrees but also offers to draw water for his camels will be the right one to approach on Isaac's behalf.

Eliezer realizes that the "right" person for Isaac is one who is not only kind to strangers but goes above and beyond on their behalf. (It's a lot of work to draw enough water for camels!) Eliezer holds onto the ideals that we, as parents, hope for all of our children's relationships. We hope that they will choose friends and companions who are willing to go the extra mile, who are considerate and kind, who share goodness and bring our children up, not down. And of course, we also read this story and imagine the other side -- if it were our children being tested at the well, would they rise to the occasion? If my son or daughter were asked by a stranger for water, I sincerely hope that they would say, "of course. And how about some for your camels?" On its face, this is a story about finding a partner for Isaac. But deep inside, it is about the kind of people that we want our children to be, it is the kind of story about the kind of friends we want our children to be and the kind of people with whom we want to surround ourselves.

TorahMama is my weekly attempt to talk about the Torah portion from a parenting perspective....

TorahMama: Vayeira

When God tells Abraham that Sarah will bear a child soon, the text says that Sarah laughed “within herself.”

Ah, what a way to begin parenthood, with laughter. Tradition tells that Sarah and Abraham struggled with infertility, and we know how difficult the entrance into parenthood can be for so many of us. But to begin with laughter? To lead with humor…to be able to find the funny side, the joke, the laugh-til-you-cry of it all….truly is a gift. I like to imagine Abraham and Sarah as carrying that laughter through their lives, holding onto the joy that Isaac brought to them and lifting that up.

We know that their lives weren’t perfect, and of course we know that there were struggles. But I do like to imagine that Sarah’s laughter carried them through some of it, that her ability to find even God’s words just a little bit funny helped her to use her biting wit to help her cope with some of the difficulty of her life. Sometimes you just gotta laugh….

TorahMama is a new attempt to blog weekly on the Torah portion of the week. (I had considered starting a new blog but decided to just keep moving along on this one...)

The Heart of the Torah

Tonight begins the holiday of Simchat Torah, when we celebrate the cycle of the Torah reading. We finish the last words of Deuteronomy and begin again with the first words of Genesis. The last letter of the torah, lamed, and the first letter of the Torah, bet, together spell the Hebrew word "lev," which means "heart." The Torah is the heart of the Jewish people, it is the heart of who and what we are. And we, its adherents, are truly the heart of the Torah. It lives because we continue to read and learn and study and live by its teachings. The Torah is in our hearts, and we are the heart of the Torah. 

#blogElul 29: Return

It's so hard to believe that this is the last #blogElul post....that a full month has gone by of preparation and readiness for the Holy Days of our year.

With today's topic, "return," I return to my intention for the month...to use this space to prepare, in some way, for these Days of Awe...and I think that I have. Each night, I return to my computer and I sit down and I contemplate the topic for the next day (I usually work a day ahead!)...and I look deep inside and I consider what this word means to me today.

Isn't that what the work of the holidays is?
To challenge ourselves and to return to the core of our being?

Oh I hope so.

May this new year bring you all that you want, all that you need, all that you hope and wish and pray for...may blessings abound.

L'shana tova u'metukah....a good and sweet year.

The Jewish month of Elul, which precedes the High Holy Days, is traditionally a time of renewal and reflection. It offers a chance for spiritual preparation for the Days of Awe. It is traditional to begin one’s preparation for the High Holy Days during this month with the Selichot, the prayers of forgiveness. We look to begin the year with a clean slate, starting anew, refreshed. All month, along with others, I'll be blogging a thought or two for each day to help with the month of preparation... I will be blogging here, and sharing #Elulgram photos on the same themes at imabima.tumblr.com. Follow me on twitter @imabima for all the #BlogElul posts, not only mine but others' as well! This year, I'm not doing a linky or anything like that -- I'm conserving energy! So be sure to tag your posts on Twitter and Facebook so I can catch them with my alerts....