#blogElul 1: Prepare

Today is the beginning of the month of Elul, the final month of the calendar before Rosh HaShanah, the new year. Each day this month, I'll (try) to share a different thought related to the prompts in the above graphic. Some days there will be words. Some days pictures or images. Some days I might not make it. Things are a bit rough in my world. But I'm hopeful that returning to this spiritual preparation in this month of holy introspection will help to ground me, to give me pause to think above and outside of the reality of what is...and think about the beauty of what can be. Who knows what I will write about....usually I have some idea in mind. But this year....I'm hoping to let it all flow....

However, today's topic is "prepare" and in beginning to prepare for #blogElul, I began to re-read previous posts from Elul and I found this poem, which I've published before. It serves me well to re-read at the beginning of Elul...and so my preparations have led me to this...

as the new moon Elul approaches
the days begin to grow shorter
as the new moon Elul approaches
our minds begin to wander
toward the healing breaths
of the days of awe.

each day dawns
beckoning me to
examine
elaborate
consider
remark
pay attention
get ready!

my heart moves toward
the days of awe.
am i ready?
have i asked the questions?
forgive me
pardon me
raise me up
renew me
refresh me
bring my soul back home
so that i may fill myself up

plant the seeds of the new year
and watch them grow
small shoots of green that begin to poke up
during this month
they blossom and flower
into the days of awe
and i flower with them
reaching my petals, like a flower,
up to the Holy One.


The Jewish month of Elul, which precedes the High Holy Days, is traditionally a time of renewal and reflection. It offers a chance for spiritual preparation for the Days of Awe. It is traditional to begin one’s preparation for the High Holy Days during this month with the Selichot, the prayers of forgiveness. We look to begin the year with a clean slate, starting anew, refreshed. All month, along with others, I'll be blogging a thought or two for each day to help with the month of preparation... I will be blogging here, and sharing #Elulgram photos on the same themes at imabima.tumblr.com. Follow me on twitter @imabima for all the #BlogElul posts, not only mine but others' as well! This year, I'm not doing a linky or anything like that -- I'm conserving energy! So be sure to tag your posts on Twitter and Facebook so I can catch them with my alerts....

#BlogElul and #Elulgram 2013

For the last few years, I've embarked on a project, and invited the social media world to join with me.

#BlogElul and #Elulgram have inspired, informed, and offered a little bit of additional introspection across the internet for the last few years. This year, I wasn't sure it was going to happen. But a few requests...and I decided that I would give it a shot. I'm not sure what this year's Elul will bring for me and my family. But I know that guiding my life by the Jewish calendar and its cycles continues to bring me comfort. So here we are, at Elul.

Elul -- that wonderful and terrifying month that precedes the High Holy Days.
A month of introspection and considering, a month of personal reflection and preparation.
Perfect for blogging and other social media...

What's it all about?
I have made a list of Elul-related topics, and I'm inviting you (yes, you! reader, colleague, friend...anyone with a desire to share ideas about the holidays) to join me.

But I'm not stopping only with blogging. Sure, it's called BlogElul but you can "blog" in any way you like. Maybe it's your daily Facebook update or tweet. Maybe it's your Instagram photos or your FourSquare checkins (can't wait to see how that would work out -- but please try!). Now we have Vine and other quick-video services -- perhaps a daily 6-second video? Maybe you don't want to do it daily. Maybe you just want to dip your toe into the experience, or just read (and share?) what others write. It's totally up to you.

I try to keep it simple, as I've done for the last few years. I've provided a topic (somewhat randomly mixed up) for each of the days of the month of Elul...just write a blog post about that topic on the assigned day! Use the hashtag to share your post, even in your title. This might be a great way to kickstart your blog (are you new at it?) and it might be a great way to get yourself ready for the themes and ideas of the holiday! (I plan to use #BlogElul in all my post titles, so that the hashtag is already there.)

And then there's #Elulgram. It's far more open to interpretation! I'm inviting you to post photos related to the same themes as the blogging project. Maybe you're not a writer or you don't have a blog - so take a picture instead! (And don't forget, sharing pictures is not limited to Instagram, but there is also Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, Tumblr....etc.)

Whatever you do, don't forget to tag it with #Elulgram so we can all share.

The themes are totally up for your own interpretation!

I tried to think broadly about the general themes of the High Holy Days, and they are totally open to your own interpretations. There are no rules, but feel free to collaborate, cross-post, share thoughts, etc. This year the words are simple verbs -- do with them as you will.

And yes, I know that the dates include Shabbat. I personally don't blog/tweet/Facebook on Shabbat, but I will post after Shabbat is over. That's my custom but you can do whatever you like.)

Are you going to play along? Let me know! Leave me a comment here, send me a tweet, or send up a signal fire... . Feel free to grab my pretty badge to announce to the whole world that you're Blogging Elul. If you let me know that you're doing it, we can cross-post, or guest-post, or even just do some virtual hand-holding as the days grow closer to Tishrei. I'll try to link to as many posts and pics as I can - won't it be amazing to all share in the Elul journey together?

I'm looking forward to sharing this journey with you.
Elul begins on August 7th (it's always on time), so I wanted to give you a head start if you're going to pre-write some of your posts.

I hope that our shared preparation for 5774 brings meaning and hope, inspiration and enlightenment for all of us.

Into your mind

Don't wanna nap, you say.

I will lie down with you, I say. 

Don't wanna nap!

Wanna jump. 

Wanna play. 

So I lie in your bed. 

I hope to sleep but you are 

moving

talking

bouncing

talking 

moving

keeping yourself awake. 

I find myself not asleep

but not annoyed. 

Instead 

amused

enlightened

I hear your brain at work. 

Snippets of your life. 

That's not fair!

I will be right back, Monkey!

Let's jump - 1,2,3!

Is that Spider-Man? Yes it is!

Watch out!

How are you, Dinosaur?

Oh, I love it!

Put your head down, I say. 

I don't need a nap, you say. 

Please? I say. 

No, you are adamant. 

So you

jump

move

talk

tell stories. 

And I listen. 

Blessed with the insight

into your little growing mind. 

But I still wish you would just take a nap. 

Narrow Bridge

I walked into the gym at 5:40 this morning.
I sat down to put on my spinning shoes.
And a wave of something like grief washed over me.

I haven't sat down to put on my spin shoes at the gym since...
since before Sam relapsed.

For just a moment, I put my head in my hands.
I breathed in deeply, staving off the dizzy wave of realization and fear.

The world is a very narrow bridge.

I rode my bike.
I sweated.
I stopped at the store.
I grabbed a latte with the early-morning crowd.

And I came back home to some kind of normal...some kind of reality.

All four of them bouncing around.
Breakfast.
School books.
Piano practicing.
Coffee drinking (okay, that was just me.)

The world is a very narrow bridge
but the important thing is not to be afraid.

This in-between at-home-but-knowing-it-is-temporary feeling is unsettling.
The in-between bridge is narrow.
And the end is foggy.

The home-health nurse came for a visit.
She took vitals.
She asked questions.
We flushed his lines after she left.

It was like we had never taken a break.
We remembered exactly what to do.
I wanted to forget.

But the important thing is not to be afraid.

The important thing is not to be afraid...

A Different Kind of Counting

We are in the period of the Omer, the days between the second day of Passover and Shavuot. 

Jews are very into counting.

Each year, I find different ways to observe the Omer. The counting lends rhythm, it is special. More and more of my colleagues and friends are counting the Omer, particularly using social media. It's a really wonderful way to connect and learn new lessons, to remember the day, to sense the passage of time in a communal way.

But this year, my Omer is different. The counting in which I'm engaged is different.

We're counting hemoglobin and white blood cells. We're counting neutrophils and platelets.

The official lap-counting board on the HOT Unit

We're also counting days and weeks, we're counting visitors and jokes. We're counting laps around the unit and we're counting antibiotics and degrees of temperature. We're counting ounces of water consumed and calories taken in.

Counting the Omer has taken on new meaning for me this year. We count up to Shavuot, we add the days...we don't count down. We are reaching, rising, moving forward from the slavery of Passover to the freedom of receiving Torah.

Sam's symptoms began to present themselves on the second night of Passover, the night on which we begin to count the Omer. He entered into the hospital on the last day of the holiday, and we began the count-up....through the slavery and degradation of chemotherapy and treatment into the freedom of healing...

We're not there yet. There's a lot of counting left to go.

Each year we count the Omer. Each year we remind ourselves of the journey from slavery to freedom. But this year, my family is living it. We are walking the road, we are traveling the journey.

Like the Israelites, we are afraid, we don't know what's ahead, we don't know what pitfalls we will face. But we can see the mountain, we can see the high place of light ahead of us.

We're counting up...up...up.

Happy Birthday, Israel!

Where You Can Find Me

In case you're looking for me, I'm mostly over here these days.

Unfortunately, things have taken a step backwards into Cancerland.

Gam zeh ya'avor. This too shall pass.